Coming to terms with the trauma we carry after childhood abuse & learning how to heal from it, is overwhelming & painful - which is why awareness, community & support is vital to survivors. We don't have to do this all on our own, we are not alone or without help.
As as a fellow survivor, I wanted to share my own lived experiences, research & practical knowledge on the topic of narcissistic parental abuse in the hopes of being an aid to those who are actively trying to rebuild a healthier & happier life, just like I am.
My father was emotionally neglectful & completely uninterested in me as far back as I can remember. He and my mother divorced when I was 6 years old and he became an unreliable & unstable part of my life since then (Thankfully I had/have a very loving & involved mother who I could depend on.) I was always an anxious & insecure child but it was when my father had made the decision to exit my life for good in my teenage years that my emotional distress became out of my control.
I was abandoned by my father and internalized it as my own fault. Crippling anxiety moved to the forefront of my symptoms followed by frequent mood swings, extreme anger, depression, eating disorders, self harm & suicidal ideation. My self esteem was non existent and I was looking to others to decide my worth.
As an adult, I started exploring the topic of narcissism. Reading books & countless articles, listening to podcasts & watching video content, following abuse recovery experts & therapists on social media - I was consuming as much information as I could looking for answers and ways I could improve my mental wellbeing. In my pursuit of healing, I had decided to start a kind of 'digital journal' in the form of an Instagram page to share the information I had learned and continue to learn. My following grew and I felt that I wanted to do more for those who can relate to my story.
I am still working on making progress everyday and am by no means "completely healed" (which is not possible, by the way). Trauma recovery is a life long journey that will have ups and downs, good days and bad days. The goal is to learn how to cope with the past, to move forward and thrive in life despite the inevitable 'downs' that come from time to time.
Sharing what I know and helping those who have also been through childhood abuse, has become incredibly important to me. Seeing how deeply compassionate, encouraging & supportive the community of narcissistic abuse survivors are, is truly inspiring to me. Every single person who has ever felt the pain of abuse at the hands of the person who should have loved them most in this world, deserve endless amounts of peace and healing and kindness and love.
Having a happy & full life IS possible and you are so deserving of that! Thank you for reading and I really hope that you can find some value in my writings.